They are teaching me

and I’m not listening.
Mesmerized

by how much pain

I can endure. Curious.
Is this how to live forever?

Will saying hurtful words destroy my incoming death?

How loud and long do I viciously argue

in and outside my head with this death?
Will getting my pain inside the mind, or under the skin

of another

help me live forever? –

What I hear from my hurtful words

bouncing back to me – from all around –

shouting, gaslighting, sarcasting myself

and others

is that I am doomed.
I WILL die.

And if I continue this lashing out at others and with this self

torturing –

my life’s legacy will be

that of

being

my

own

troll.

When all along –

I could have and be

been self-kind.

All along this is and is was always available.

Easing myself tenderly, lovingly, compassionately

into my upcoming death,

while still alive.

©️February 2025 Much Love, Deb Poems