is subconsciously turned on

deliberately crackling hissing,

in a tired parent’s ears,

yelling again for their children

they don’t see and hear.

Before the birth of each child,

– a hard labor sentence

unfairly, naively

given to themselves-

began a collection of scary thoughts,

heavy stones to mentally collect and carry,

and will continue to hiddenly collect and carry,

frantically trying hard-

back breakingly hard

trying hard to not listen to-

-tuning out

-distorting

-avoiding

thoughts of their children’s death.
When, if, the Death Channel came in loud and clear,

-it does now and then-

if when it stayed indefinitely on,

it’s understandable parents killing their children,

and themselves.
“Let’s get this High Anxiety over with.”

”I should not have had a child in the first place.”

-Not resigned to the mistake made-

”For what is the point of keeping on, believing in

wishful thinking

like magical thinking children?”

(this is a rare lucid moment

hearing themself think over loud fighting children)

”I am more afraid of

thoughts of death

than I ever was.
“How can I keep on carrying around

this torturous static radio in my head?”
Thoughts like these eventually,

and understandingly can,

evolve into hatred of their own kids.

©️January 2025 Much Love, Deb Poems